I often ask myself this question – What does a successful woman look like? My answer to that was what society created for me, not who I was and certainly not what I looked like.
A little bit about myself – I was born in Mexico, the youngest of six children, and came to the US when I was in the 3rd grade. I grew up in what many people would call a very “Mexican” household. My mother has been a homemaker her entire life and my father worked in the fields in Mexico and became a gas station attendant in the United States, until his retirement. There are no doctors or lawyers in our family, but especially no one who even went to college. When I was in high school, I decided that I wanted to go to college and become a “Successful Businesswoman.” Please do not ask what my definition of successful businesswoman was at the time. All I knew was that I wanted what the “white” people had – the nice house, car, and clothes, and the nice office with the view. I did well in school and started planning for college, but I felt that no one was taking me seriously. I was on the path to success, or so I thought, but my life took a different direction. I became pregnant at the age of seventeen but was able to graduate early due to the number of credits I had already completed. Being in a “traditional” Mexican culture, several family members attempted to pressure us into getting married before the baby was born. Although marriage came eventually, we chose to remain unmarried at the time. My boyfriend moved into my family home and at the ages of 18 and 20, we became parents to a beautiful baby girl.
We were able to get to our own place a couple of months later, in a rough part of town, but we did it on our own and, eventually, had another little girl. My husband and I had to work long shifts to make ends meet and struggle a lot, we were so blessed to have the support of both of our families, as we were just children ourselves. We grew up individually and as a couple and had some great times, but we also had some terribly low times those first few years.
Fast forward to a few years into our life together and we have moved to a nicer house in a better neighborhood. We adopted a dog, and I began my career in banking as a teller. It was in this position where I saw the chance to develop my skills to become a Successful Businesswoman, as I recognized my true potential. Over the next couple of years, I climbed the corporate ladder and eventually landed a role in management. At this point, we now have three girls, who are truly wonderful, and I am flourishing in my career. It was the perfect time to revisit my plans to become a college graduate. Enrolling in an online university before online learning was a thing, I submerged myself in running a household, my full-time career, and the schedule of a student life. Was this hard? Yes. Was it the right thing to do for myself and my family? Yes. After graduating with a bachelor’s degree in business, I continued to expand my career. Now, after twenty-three years, I am the Vice President of Branch Operations in a Credit Union. Hooray for me right! Well, that is my diluted life story, and I promise there was a reason for telling it.
I have been incredibly lucky to have a lot of family support in many aspects of my life. I am also beyond blessed to have my husband, who has now been with me for twenty-five years. He is my number one supporter in everything, especially during the times when I did not believe in myself, he was encouraging me to take chances and not allow others to get me down. My girls also gave me purpose, and the focus needed to achieve my goals. At times, I wanted to succeed more for my husband and kids than for myself. However, I am not what a successful woman in our society looks like and I was reminded of these many times. What society has painted as the vision of a successful person was not someone like me who had the upbringing that I had. I still wake up sometimes and think that my life is not really mine. I walk my dogs in my suburban neighborhood and, not to anyone’s surprise, we are the only Mexican family here.
In my lengthy career in banking, I have sat in conferences, board rooms, and tables full of people who do not share the same background as me or are even of the same sex. One of the senior managers
at a company were worked once asked me to join him and some of our clients for a golf outing. Mind you, all were white males who were senior leaders and CEOs of their respective companies. I hesitated as I didn’t even know how to swing a golf club. His response to me was that I did not need to play, but to just look pretty and smile and have conversations with these men. Of course I did not agree, but it is situations like these that many women must regularly deal with, and especially if you are of a diverse cultural background. The stares, the whispers, the “she is not good enough” stigma is something that has been following me through my life.
I was passed up for promotions many times, even though I was the best candidate. I would give my input about projects or operations in meetings and be ignored. I had to keep my attitude in check as to not be looked at as the stereotypical idea of a problematic Latina. There were many days where I just wanted to give up because that seemed so much easier. Many times, I just wanted to cry and agree with those people who feel that I am not good enough and that I am not what society “sees” as successful and I never will be. What took me over twenty years to achieve, I saw others achieve in half the time only because they were a different race or gender.
Another hurdle that I had to jump over was my upbringing. Our Hispanic culture is founded on family and the closeness with the people we care about – that is the most important thing. Additionally, it is engraved into individuals that we stick to what we know and what we are comfortable with. It is frowned upon in our culture to move too far from the family. It is seen as weird if you do not take over the family business, stay in the “family trades,” or simply go to work with your parents. But sometimes these things only hold us back, as we need to step away to take care of ourselves before putting other people first. That is easier said than done and I say this from experience. If I had not decided to move two states away from my family, I would not be where I am today. I miss my family terribly every day and I miss our old life, but the most wonderful things have come from us moving away – things I never thought possible.
Now more than ever, I truly value the time that I get with my family. A lot more than when I lived close, as I took it for granted. The truth is, if we had made the decision to stay near my family, and my husband did not support my career and encourage me to pursue the opportunity, I would still be wondering when my next big career advancement would come. The only reason I did not want to take the risk was because I did not want to leave my family behind. I was afraid to leave but scared to stay. I thought that I would never find the happiness I have when I am with my family. Just to be clear, there are days that I am driving home, and I want to go “home.” After more than three years of having this new life, in a new place, those days are exceedingly rare. We have begun making a life here and are genuinely enjoying it. The best thing is when our family comes to visit, and we get to share this new life with them.
I hope that someone reads this and feels inspired to take the leap of faith, take the risk, take the chance – make that crazy decision! I hope that I have a small impact on how people view themselves and help them believe they too can be successful – however that success may look to you. More than anything, I hope that us Latinas can continue to increase the number of us in careers that Latinas are normally not seen. I want to see more doctors, lawyers, Vice President’s, CEOs, engineers, and many other careers. The last thing I will say is that, in finding my success, I tried not to lose who I was. I am a proud immigrant who journeyed from Mexico to pursue a better life. I love to speak Spanish, and my Mexican culture is one of my greatest prides. I also love the United States, as this has been my home for most of my life. I am from here and I am from there. I will always be proud of where I came from and of where I am. I may not look like your typical successful woman, but I can say with immense pride that I am a Successful Latina Woman!
